my friend Ian part II
June 23rd, 2009 9:21am by admin
So, I know I have become the most notorious poster on this site (I know I am because I got multiple emails from the admin :0)). So there has been long radio silence and thought I should put up another at the expense of my (has to be mentally challenged) former roommate, Ian. This will be the next addition in a series of painfully awkward shennanigans and tom foolery displayed by my former roommate.
A couple of happenings:
Ian and I encounter a very attactive lady at a bar in the east village. After introducing ourselves and engaged in “starte conversation”:
me: so, you are in school? what are you studing?
girl: I think I really wanna go into medicine
me: oh thats a great field, what type of medicine?
Ian: I want to become a doctor soo bad too.
girl: Oh really? That’s great, what are you planning on concentrating in
me: My heart is really set on pediactric gynecology.
as she stared at us, her eyes began to scrunch as she though she was conjuring up more thinking power to comprehend how disturbed Ian must be. As ten seconds pass, she finally realize we are a waste of time and walks off
Same night, this time on the west village:
As Ian gulp gulp’s the night away, he realizes his yearning for some ass. As this is 4AM on a Wednesday night, there are many of interesting people and Ian takes advantage of it. He approaches a couple and boldly (or stupidly) gropes the woman. Instead of getting a severe lashing, the couple enjoys the intrusion and continues speaking with Ian. As the couple start caressing Ian (and Ian kinda looks like the brain damaged frat boy who shops at abercrombie and fith but can’t button everything up right), I know its gonna be all bad. So I intervene:
Ian: Dude, I am totally going home with them
me; Ian, you def. don’t man lets go home:
couple: what? he’s coming home with us, are you the boss of him?
me: yes, b/c he’s my bitch
couple: you asshole, fine we are leaving
as the couple leaves….
Ian: DUUDE, hoowww could you do that?
me: you dumbass, that girl had a bigger adam’s apple thane me, she was a dude
Ian: what??
me: yes, she was a woman. you could see that she shaves her face
Ian: thank you so much for saving my virgin ass
I thought to myslef, “Yeah I did save his virgin ass, but really for how much longer?”