Even the cat hates him…
December 24th, 2009 8:32pm by anonymous
My roommate sucks…. He is loud, obnoxious, annoying, and creepy as hell.. Just when I thought “Wow this has to be the most annoying person I have ever met” he gets a boyfriend, who then moves in, and is EXACTLY like him..
I will just list some things they do…. Mostly petty stuff, but still:
Roommate 1:
1. Speaks RIDICULOUSLY loud. I’m talking borderline yelling. His voice sounds extremely similar to ‘Stewie’ from Family Guy.
2. Begins every phrase with “I was going to say”, and even cuts himself off mid-sentence to say it.. For instance: My mother is going to, I was going to say my mother is going to come visit us soon. In a very similar manner to the rooster cartoon character, Foghorn.
3. When having a conversation, he will not even pretend to acknowledge that you said anything… As soon as your lips stop moving, he will say “I was going to say” and then say something completely unrelated.
4. When talking, taps his fingers together similar to Mr. Burns from The Simpsons.
5. I was in my room having a conversation. With the door shut.. He was right outside of the door and heard something that was said and wanted to add to the conversation… Guess what he does, walks right into the room and loudly says what he was going to say.
6. Butts into your conversations on the phone!
7. Posts EVERY single thing that happens throughout the day on facebook.
8. Records videos of himself talking and posts them on youtube.
9. Leaves his shoes in the middle of the living room or kitchen floor.
10.Uses the dining room table as storage for all of his mail, magazines, jackets, books, etc.
11. Leaves dishes on the counter INCHES from the sink! He has literally left dishes ON the sink. Yes, ON the fucking sink but not actually IN the sink….. There have been times where he has left dirty dishes on the sink and they stayed there for days on end until someone else finally got sick of looking at it and gave in and put it in the sink.
12. Claps extremely loud whenever he laughs.
13. We had laundry going. It was in the dryer. He took them out and put them on the dining room table still wet…. Had a blanket in there…. Put the blanket on the table spread out across the table!!! I figured okay, he probably had to get his laundry done fast so he could go to work or something.. Nope. He was just watching tv all day.
14. If you have a dvd or disc game in a console in the living room… He will take it out to put his in, but not put it back in the case… He will put it on the entertainment center…. He has even put my games ON its case, but not actually put it in them.
15. Is gay, (hence the boyfriend) which is cool… But being gay is ALL he talks about… Posts on facebook 10,000x a day regarding gay rights, bigotry, how much he hates Christians, etc. Has gay merchandise all around the house.. A ‘gay geeks’ clock, mug, etc. etc. etc. If you say something like “go straight at the light” He will reply with “We can’t go straight because we’ll never be straight, we can go FORWARD, but not straight.
16. ^^^ That is another thing… He thinks he is so witty and clever, but he is not (as you can probably tell)
17. He sucks SO bad…… that even his fucking CAT took a dump on his bed, just because he sucks so bad….
Now onto his boyfriend….
1. Claims he is a ‘master chef’ but failed while in culinary school.. When he cooks, the kitchen fills with smoke, and he uses SO much garlic that even sitting in the other room my eyes start to burn and I can’t keep them open and literally have to leave the house and sit outside while he cooks.
2. Is a 1 upper…. Anything you’ve done, he has done better.
3. Is a complete bullshitter… Makes up stories about EVERYTHING…. And they are always extremely extraordinary stories. He should be on Tv.
4. When he laughs, he goes “HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEEEEEE” exactly like that…. He sounds like a rapist when he laughs.
5. Walks around the house with his shirt off so his fat and B-cup man boobies are there for everyone to see….
6. Does not shower… So when he walks around with his shirt off, he lifts his arms up and rests his hands on his head and releases him arm pits BO.
7. Eats like a motherfucker… Like he is getting paid to eat.
8. Doesn’t have a job. Hasn’t gone out and looked for a job. Won’t look for a job. Sits in the room all day. Sleeps, watches tv, eats. That’s it. Whenever I am home, he is home. The only time he leaves the house is to go to 7-11 to fill up his huge ass bucket cup with soda.
9. Thinks he is a ninja because he owns swords.
10. If you have ever seen “Cannibal the musical” He talks and makes faces exactly like Humphry.
Can the author of this post give me his email? I’m a reporter looking to interview people who are dealing with a roommate’s significant other moving in as a result of the recession. If this is your experience, please let me know and I’ll email you with more details.
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