They need death
February 26th, 2010 10:20am by admin
So four months ago a friend of mine asked to move in with me for awhile. He was going through some bad times making me feel obligated to let him stay with me. We never really talked about how long he’d be here, first mistake, but I figured he’d be here a few months until he got back on his feet. Four months later and I’m ready to commit murder. I honestly can’t believe he’s made it as far as he has in life. I wanted him to be able to save as much money as possible so he could be in his own place in relatively short order. I told him he would only be responsible for paying the heat bill, about two hundred dollars a month. Turns out he only works part-time, two or three days a week and some weeks not at all. When he’s not working he sleeps until about noon and then sits around the house all day. He makes no effort to find other work on his days off or find a full time job. I was recently let go from my job and I’ve been able to find several side jobs without even trying just from knowing people at our local bar. He never cleans. Now I’m a guy and admittedly not the cleanest person by nature. It takes effort on my part to keep on top of the household duties but I do. He’ll do the dishes once in awhile and that’s about it. I swear if I didn’t empty the garbage he would just pile it around the trash can until he eventually had to abandon the kitchen. When he first moved in I was going about my routine of cleaning the whole house on the weekend. He asked if he could help and I said he could sweep the floor if he liked. He did a half-assed job of sweeping the kitchen, which I had to do again, then called it quits. Apparently he wasn’t able to reason the other two uncarpetted floors may need attention as well. He has a dog, which I didn’t know about until it was here. The dog is surprisingly house broken but that’s where the training ends. The dog will literally eat off your plate if you’re not watching it like a hawk. It attacks the television anytime there is an animal or strange noise on it. It stands outside the bathroom and barks whenever someone is in the shower. While all this is going on he never disciplines the dog and now I’ve had to take that on as well. The dog stinks too because he never bathes it. When he has the remote he changes the channel every time a commercial on making it impossible to watch anything for more than a couple minutes. When a hot girl comes on the T.V. he makes this disgusting grunting noise. It really creeps me out. He always eats in front of the T.V. like a child, never at the table. When he does eat it’s most horrific thing ever! His chewing sounds like a cross between a dog licking it’s crotch and a horse trying to get peanut butter off it’s gums. he’s the worst cook in the world, puts vinegar in EVERYTHING and then gets offended when I say I don’t want whatever it is he thinks is food. Surely he can’t put vinegar in everything you say. Oh he does. Soup, burnt mashed potatos, seafood. After a month of him moving in he asked if he could have some of our friends over for dinner. He wasn’t cooking thank God. I’m a very private person and don’t like having people over my house. All my friends know this. They’ve made jokes to other people how you simply don’t go to my house especially uninvited. It may sound weird but that’s just the way I am. I said ok not wanting to be a prick about it. I had allowed him to move in after all and had to consider it his home too. He insisted on moving the table from the dining room to the living room for some reason. Who knows what goes on in the minds of the mentally challenged. The next night I stayed at my girlfriend’s place. When I got home two days after the dinner party nothing had been cleaned. The table was still in the living room with food all over it, pushed to the side of course so he could watch television. He has this horrid girlfriend who always reeks of onions. She’s the hippie type who believes that a life lacking any ambition or responsibility is most fulfilling so naturally I’d like to put the corner of a brick into her skull. She’s always here! If she showered here I’d have to charge her rent. The two of them come in drunk and stumbling around at two in the morning all the time. His room is right above mine and I swear they wait until I get home to go to his room and start going at it. The noises they make are the most abnormal thing I’ve ever heard. He knows I’m unemployed but that doesn’t seem to concern him. He leaves lights on all the time. He even steals the bars of soap that I buy! The past few weeks I’ve taken to making myself scarce. I pretty much stay in my room when I’m home and at night I stay out for as long as possible. It’s pretty sad because we used to be the best of friends but now I don’t even want to look at him. What upsets me the most is that I took him in before even his family would and he’s been completely disrespectful of my house. He’s like a child who has no idea how to take care of himself. I feel like I’m a prisoner in my own home! I’m going to tell him he needs to be out by the end of June.