Laziest Roommate Alive
April 9th, 2010 5:59am by admin
After almost 2 semesters of living my roommate, I get more pissed off by her every day. I realize that I am ranting, but I’m making this note so I don’t explode and flip out (and it will be funny to read this later and laugh at how stupid she is).
(Note: may contain sarcasm)
***SUPER special moments***
Fun factoids:
- she is a 5th year junior
- she goes to class about once a month
- she doesn’t go to class, but she hangs out in the student union all evening with her friends
Chores she has NEVER DONE in 9 MONTHS:
- vacuuming
- dusting
- sweeping
- mopping
- clean toilet
- wash windows
- wipe counters/tabletops
***Text conversation:***
Her: hey Katie
Me: hi
Her: so can u take the trash out?
Me: ummmm, i’m home for break (2 days before Christmas) and I’ve been home for 2 weeks now
Her: ohhhh, um, then i guess i can take it out
***Facebook conversation:***
Me: So for our apartment, we still need: a kitchen garbage can, garbage bags, sponges, dish soap, silverware, cups, toaster, a vacuum, a broom, a mop, a mop bucket, kitchen towels, potholders, pots and pans, bowls, plates, a coffeemaker, mugs, salt and pepper shakers, baking sheets, a baking dish, a strainer, a cutting board, cooking utensils, (and about 20 other things)…
Her: I can get a garbage for the kitchen.
1 week later:
Me: Well I bought everything else that we need for the apartment. It cost about $300. Did u get the garbage can for the kitchen yet?
Her: Yea.
When I move in:
Me: Where’s the kitchen garbage?
Her: uhhhhhh, I forgot.
(She’ll be sorry when I graduate and take all my stuff with me, lolz)
List of things that she has used of mine w/out replacing:
- ketchup
- syrup
- paper plates
- salt
- ranch dressing
- pepper
- paper towels
- toilet paper
- butter
- potato chips
- garbage bags
- several diet cherry cokes
- missing tupperware lids and containers
- ***STOLE my frickin’ Cutco super shears!!*** those bitches r expensive
Favorite Quotes:
- “She be so dumm”
- (in response to a burp from her friend) “I’m a lady! A lay-dee!”
And my all-time favorite:
- ***”Iza big deal!!1! PEOPLE NO MY NAME!!!”*** (apparently what matters at UB is not learning anything or even passing your classes, but having people know you by name, LOL)
Records:
-*** Longest time without bathing: 13 days***
- Most dishes ever done: 4
- Loudest conversation during sleeping hours: rock concert volume
- Most doors slammed during sleeping hours: 19
- Earliest wake-up: 10am
- ***Latest wake-up: 6pm***
- Earliest bed-time: 2am
- Latest bed-time: ??
- morning alarm volume: airplane engine
- # of times she actually got up to the alarm: 0
- # of people woken up by the alarm: everyone else in our building
Fond memories:
-*** Waking up to a pile of syrup on the floor, complete with footsteps trailing it all over the kitchen.***
- Her VERY large friend walking around our apartment in booty shorts split up to her waist.
- The night that you boiled 20 pounds of chicken wings.
- The time I cleaned the whole apartment, went to bed, woke up, and there was notebook paper shredded all over the living room, along with green gummy bears.
- ***Her friends constantly ringing the doorbell at 3am until I get up and answer the door***
Things she has taught me:
- ***How to laugh things off***
- ***What great roommates I’ve had freshman, sophomore and junior years. <3 u girls***
- You can’t change some people
- To wince at the sound of a Brooklyn accent
- Apparently when I buy a 12 pack of toilet paper, instead of buying another 12 pack of toilet paper, u call ur friend down the hall to bring u ONE half-used roll cause u realized we’re out. It is then perfectly acceptable to text me that I need to buy more.
- Inviting your friends over to practice stomping at 4am on a Tuesday night is perfectly acceptable.
- ***If you spill red pasta sauce on a pillow that’s not yours, just hide it behind the couch and problem solved.***
- Washing the dishes consists of rinsing off MOST of the food particles (without using dish soap), then leaving them in the dish drainer for about a week.
- When talking on the phone late at night, phone must be on speaker and must be at MAX volume
My last year at UB has been made more special/interesting thanks to you. I sincerely hope that we never meet again! I wish I could warn your next roommate, and the next one, and the next one, and the next one (until u finally graduate in 7 more years). Good luck passing your junior year – 4th time’s the charm!
If anybody actually took the time to read this and u have also had a funny/weird/random moment with a roommate that u don’t know or get along with, PLEASE post a comment and add it to my collection especially if it’s really funny/awkward! I’d like to know I’m not alone!
At least she gets half a roll of toilet paper. My roommate hasn’t bought TP since I moved in. (almost a year ago)
Loved it, very entertaining, you must have a good sense of humour because you can laugh at all she’s doing wrong. I have a roommate and I hate him, cleaning is still a myth for him
i had a roommate who walked around with his hands in his boxers all day long, scratching away