His place was immaculate – beyond perfect.  I knew something was up when I came home, and he was vacuuming MY bedroom floor.  He said I hadn’t done it right.  Then he complained if I took food in MY room and ate while watching TV.  It went downhill from there.

I smoke… but I never smoked in the house.  I would go outside… far away from the apartment.  And I’d hose myself down with Febreze just to make sure I didn’t bring back any smoking odors.  However, even the faintest whiff would bring his wrath.  "You’re disgusting… You smell and look like shit… you’re stupid… "   BTW, I’m a teacher with more degrees than I can count.  He… graduated high school years ago.  

Let’s see… some fun stuff over the year.  A spot of spaghetti on the stove turned into a two hour cleanfest for him at 2am.  An electric burner was left on for 20 seconds while I poured soup into a bowl.  He flipped out and said the house almost burned down.  I lit a Halloween candle and set it on the table… he freaked and said it was left unattended and would have destroyed the complex.  And I don’t want to even really get into the fork inventory and how one turned up missing.  You may find posters asking, "Have you seen this fork?" in your neighborhood.  Ignore them. 

After a year, my lease is up, and I’m moving out in a few days.  It’s like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders.  However, one night when I got up to use the bathroom, he confronted me.  "Why are you up and down all night?  It wakes me up.  You get something to drink… or use the bathroom.  I can HEAR YOU."  I gave him the patented teacher glare and replied, "Yeah, whatever," and closed the door.  

Lesson – OCD is not something that lends itself well to fostering good roommate relationships.  Keep gift certificates to the nearest therapist handy… and distribute them often.  And if a roommate ever says these words, "I like to keep a very clean house," run for the HILLS.  They are desperately trying to scrub away some kind of shame in their lives that will never, ever wash out.  Damn spot!!

I’m not over-picky about being clean or anything, but I believe that everyone should do his/her share in keeping things going.

One of the guys works all day, so he’s out from like 8 am – 7 pm some days. He does his share in the way of taking out the trash occasionally. He’s rich, spoiled and fat, so he never cleans up after he eats/cooks, leaves his stuff lying all over the place and NEVER empties the dishwasher, even if he needs to use something. He’ll just take out a glass or plate and leave the rest inside.

The other guy has got to be the laziest, most selfish, untruthful guy I know. In the last year and a half, he’s vacuumed the apartment precisely twice, that too after getting into very hostile conversations with us about how he does all the work and the other roommate doesn’t do shit. Today, I asked him to empty the dishwasher for once since I’m always the one doing it, despite him using things and leaving the rest inside far before I even wake up. He refused, saying that he ALWAYS does it. That’s the most blatant lie I’ve ever heard. He does it maybe once a month, while the d/w is run once in 2-3 days. He claims he’s too sleepy in the morning to do it. What about an hour after you wake up, or come back from class you dick? And he fucking smells.